I Already Know

Which is harder?

A few days ago I wrote about the “morning wake-up” routine with my son Shiloh. You can read it if you go back one article. To recap the story, my son Shiloh asks the question every morning, “What am I?” He is trying to find out if he is supposed to wear his P.E. uniform or his regular one. One recent morning as he asked that question loudly, I began tickling him while answering his question with, “You are a son of God, forgiven, not condemned, favored and loved.” I was taken back by the whole thing as God used that moment to teach me about laughter that comes from believing who I am in Christ. I imagined God speaking that over me in the morning and my joy bursting forth laughter.

Well, something else happened the following morning after Shiloh and I had that moment together. I entered his room to repeat the same tickling and identify session we had the previous morning, and before I even got to him, he threw his covers off of Him revealing his P.E. outfit which he went to sleep in, and with a proud voice he said, “I already know what I am.” I just stood there and laughed. Then I thought, Lord, I want to wake up like that. I want to go to bed in the identity you speak over me and then wake up already knowing who I am.

There’s a moment where Jesus heals a paralytic and says, “Take heart, your sins are forgiven.” Then he followed that statement with, “What is easier to say? Your sins are forgiven or rise and walk?” He knew the doubting hearts of the religious leaders and how they thought he was blaspheming God by forgiving sins, and so he confronted their thought-life. I feel like speaking the Father’s language over your mind is kind of like tension. What is easier, to call yourself a failure or more than a conqueror? What comes out of the mouth more natural, “I failed, or I am loved by God?” One feels true but harsh and the other feels like spiritual manipulation.

On a recent walk with the Lord, I was telling Him it doesn’t feel natural to be so positive to myself. To walk around the block saying that you are so proud of me. That you rejoice over me with singing. That I am your beloved. That you are for me and not condemning me. It feels a little self helpish trying to get my mind to believe you don’t consider me a failure or not enough. I sensed the Holy Spirit say to me, “Well, what is the alternative of what I’m saying over you? Go ahead and say it out loud.” I then rattled off twice as fast all the things I have said to myself over the years. “I suck. I’m a failure. I will never be enough. I will never arrive. No matter how hard I try, I always come up short.” I then abruptly stopped because of the nasty taste those words left in my mouth and said to the Lord, “Yuck, I don’t like the way that feels.” It was then He reminded me how powerful language is.

To be honest, it’s harder to speak my Father’s words over my mind than it is to rattle off negative language, just like forgiving sin was so much more costly than just healing a paralytic man. Out of speaking my Father’s language and speaking accusatory words, I find the simpler of the two are my Father’s language, but it takes faith, and faith always seems to be more difficult. Speaking condemnation over my mind comes out so easily, but it wears on the soul and I’m constantly fighting for air.

“Good morning Father.” I say this as I look into the mirror while I brush my teeth. “I am your beloved son today. I feel so special in your eyes. Thank you for choosing me over and over again. I’m a king’s kid today. I’m not condemned because I am in Christ Jesus. I am the righteousness of Christ. You love me because I love the son. I’m confident in your word when it says that it was your joy that motivated you to go to the cross for me. Your word is a lamp unto my feet. I’m free of bondage. Free of accusatory language. Father, I already know what I am this morning.”

I know the macho christian man would look at this generation and say, “There are so many weak men walking around trying to figure out who they are. Man up and follow God.” Those men rarely have a faith that is attractive and one to be mimicked. I actually think a lot of the insecurity of men today comes from a lack of affirmation from the men who raised us. To “man up” is condemning. To “rise and walk” is affirming. I would agree that emotionalism is running rampant in our generation, but the healing balm to this overcorrection is the language of the wonderful counselor. I believe the enemy can teach us to say, “I’m a man, I got this,” just like he can teach us to say, “I’m worthless and unloved.” Pride and insecurity are siblings of destruction.

The sheep know the shephard’s voice. The strong one wake up in their identity.